Understanding

Most people go to the beach to lay in the sun till they are crispy like bacon, put their toes in the sand or jump into the ocean waves. 

I go to try to understand myself and to try to make peace with in me.

I go to think about my purpose and why I am here. I go to think about my kids, I hope that each decsion I make for them, the guidance I try to provide is right. My family and their future. I think about my love life and if there is a man out there for me. 

Then I wonder as I have sat there now for over an hour, I’ve cried, smiled and with hopes that no one that passes by sees me, I think about why the waves are so much bigger today, what causes this to happen. How beautiful the clouds are, how peaceful it is. The breeze, the smell of the ocean and the sand between my toes. 

I then think how I am so very lucky to be so close to the water, I can sit and just think, understand my purpose, my life, no I never get answers, I probably never will. I just hope that one day I will have someone to sit with me in this very spot so we can think together and not worry about getting answers, just to think. 

I drive home knowing that tomorrow when I wake up, I’m still going to have the same questions.

It is never ending.

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